A while ago a colleague said to me, “You know, Lou, the main difference between us is that when something goes boobs up your first thought is what did I do wrong. My first thought is what did they do wrong.”
At the time I thought that this was quite a refreshing perspective, if a little cocky. What I really didn't consider was why my default starting point was as it was and what that really meant in terms of how I showed up in my life- generally ready to apologise for most things, including on some extreme occasions, my very existence - not cool and not how any human being should feel ever.
Yes, we all make mistakes, of course we do: that’s how we learn, how we grow. But coming from a default self-esteem setting that says I know I'm going to make a mistake is such a different thing. From an energy and attraction perspective it's a sure fire way to set yourself up to make mistakes and attract negativity; even if you don't hold with all that universal stuff then it's still a really unpleasant and unproductive place to be.
These are 10 of the top indicators that your self-esteem is lower than you deserve:
You walk with your head down.
You don’t make and/or sustain direct eye contact with others.
You do not accept compliments well.
You apologize and feel guilty.
You get frustrated, impatient, or angry often.
You use negative, hopeless language.
You are depressed.
You take things really personally.
You do not engage with others if it can be avoided.
You avoid taking risks.
Remember low self-esteem shows up differently in different people. You may feel great about yourself in one area of your life, but have extremely low self-esteem in another area. There is always room for improvement. Isn’t it time you became committed to truly loving and appreciating yourself?
So what now: you may be aware of some areas of your life where your self-esteem is impacting on how you show up in your life or you may be appreciating your high self-esteem: either is perfect. If you find yourself in the latter position I’d invite you to share this blog with someone who could stand to increase their self-love capacity. If you find yourself in the first category I’d love to invite you to invest some time in celebrating you, the wonderful amazing you that you already are - you just need to jog your memory a bit.
So how are you going to jog your memory?
Grab two sheets of paper (preferably big ones - you will find you have a lot to celebrate) and some pens (if you love your stationary go to town and use lots of different fab colours)
On one sheet of paper write “my wonderful achievements” and on the other write “my positively fabulous qualities.”
Now it’s totally ok if this feels weird or if you feel like you won’t have enough to write down, both feelings will pass when you give this some attention.
If you started with “my achievements” you might like to consider all of the different areas of your life: your home life, your environment, relationships with family and friends, your children, your work life, promotions, projects, qualifications, your business life, growth - physical, spiritual, financial; your wellbeing - emotional and physical - the possibilities are endless. Aim to fill your piece of paper. Work past the point of this feeling like an odd thing to do until you are really enjoying it which you will do.
Then move onto the list of positively fabulous qualities: the second list is easier to do as you already have the vibe, so go ahead enjoy. Consider all of the qualities that lead to your achievements, consider all of the beautiful qualities that make you uniquely you, consider the beautiful things that people have said to you and write it all down.
And now it’s time to internalise your beautiful lists - allow yourself some quality undisturbed time and read through each entry aloud, noticing the feelings that you have in response and also notice how good the certainty of the knowing is. The final thing to do is to hang your lists in pride of place somewhere you will see them every day, somewhere that they will bring a smile to your face and knowing to heart every day.
Love Lou xx